Caught up.

Facebook post + my reply.

xx

"I can't talk about their loved one who's passed. I get so nervous and can't open up about it. I think since his death in 2013 I've just pushed it out my head. I haven't grieved at all, I haven't really cried as such. I get so annoyed I can't talk about him, people will ask and I'll just give them short answers, as my head just goes blank. I think I always just try and forget about it. And I just can't. You can't do it, there's only so long you can do it before it all just catches up."

"I've been like that for 10 years until it did all catch up with me at once and i became very suicidal, paranoid and depressed and these feelings would hit me suddenly. one night i was talking to a friend about dodo's and all these feelings plus built up anger came at me all at once and because i was talking to that friend at the time i told him everything right down to the scars on my arms. and since then these feeling have come less and i have someone i can talk to cause he already knows everything. I refuse to talk to councilors or therapists but i have someone and it has helped.

not sure if thats would you would have wanted to hear but... "

good luck xx

A rant

I shout at stuff when i get angry. this is me shouting at my dad through a computer.

"hey. guess what i'm getting my GCSE results tomorrow. and where the fuck are you. 6 feet under. you know i keep thinking this is all a mix up or something and you will turn up with a smile on your face and some sob story about working for MI6 and having to be under cover for the past 10 years. that you'll be back to see me start my A levels and you'll see Em all grown up. you know shes dyed her hair for the first time a last week. it really does suit her. ill tell you what else I like this guy but guess what you are not here to go and check him out make sure he lives up to the standards. I mean i can sniff out trouble but you should be here to make sure i am doing the right thing none the less.
You know i think Em has a boyfriend or something of that sort, i think. i don't know. she doesn't talk to me.
i just had my prom. and yeah i also dyed my hair for the first time a few months ago. it looked so fab. greeen! my favourite colour. im not angry at you. just disappointed. because a few weeks ago it should have been you there sitting with me on the curb at midnight not Ray. as amazing as he is. i have trust issues because of you. i don't tell mum when i'm upset i don't even trust my "best friend" to tell her the truth on anything and when i was supposed to see a counselor i blew it off saying i couldn't possibly miss the science lesson i had. I didn't need that science lesson infact i think i didn't even need to go cause i'd already finished my science exams but talking to someone is a whole lotta bullcrap. I think the whole no trust thing is something to do with the fact that my dad who i am supposed to love and trust decided that 6 feet under was better than looking after his 5 year old daughter and not even seeing the first birthday of the second child.
thanks."


*names changed.